(Almost) everyone carries an image of who we are or want to be. Not the fantasy version that only lives in our imagination, but the version of ourselves who sets the standard; clear, decisive, consistent. When you design your life with your future self as your role model, every decision today becomes easier. This article is for those who like to check if they are their own role model or like to become their best future self.
This isn’t about discipline as force. As Mark Manson says: Discipline isn’t willpower, it’s prioritisation.
You don’t “push through” temptation, you make the decision once, set non-negotiables, and let your values lead the way.
But why is it so hard to act in alignment with our future self?
Why You Don’t Feel Connected to Your Future Self
Psychological research shows that most people treat their future self like a stranger. Hal Hershfield’s work on future self-continuity demonstrates that when you don’t feel connected to your future self, you’re more likely to make short-term choices that undermine long-term goals.
That’s why you eat the piece of cake instead of sticking to your fitness plan. The six-pack is months away, while the sugar hit is immediate. Your brain prioritises now because the “future you” feels abstract.
Reflection Question:
- When you picture yourself ten years from now, do you feel like that’s you, or more like someone else you just happen to know?
The key to change is closing that gap.
Step One: Define Your Non-Negotiables
Think of non-negotiables as the razor that cuts away what doesn’t belong. They are standards you don’t debate, not goals you hope for.
Examples:
- I only date people who respect my values.
- I don’t skip training on the days I’ve scheduled.
- I only make promises I’m sure I can keep.
Reflection Questions:
- What are three areas of your life where compromise leaves you drained?
- What lines will you refuse to cross, no matter how tempting or convenient?
Step Two: Clarify Your Values and Living Principles
Your values are not abstract words on a page, they are filters for decision-making. Once defined, they remove friction.
Exercise:
Write down your top five values. Now, for each, define a practical behavior that embodies it.
For example:
- Value: Growth → Behavior: Read 30 minutes daily.
- Value: Health → Behavior: Move my body every day for at least half an hour.
Reflection Question:
- If someone shadowed your daily routine, would they know your values from your actions?
Step Three: Train Prioritisation, Not Willpower
Willpower is fragile. Prioritization is firm.
Instead of “forcing” yourself to exercise, sign up for the race. Instead of “resisting” unhealthy food, don’t keep it in your house. Instead of “trying” to work, design an environment where the default is focus.
Reflection Questions:
- Which choices can you decide once instead of renegotiating daily?
- Where in your life are you depending on raw willpower instead of structure?
Step Four: Lighten the Mental Load
Every item in your environment, every half-finished project, every unmade decision occupies headspace. The brain treats these as “open tabs,” consuming attention and energy.
Cut ruthlessly.
- Declutter your (digital) space.
- Say no to commitments that aren’t aligned with your standards.
- Automate or delegate wherever possible.
Reflection Question:
- What in your current life constantly asks for your awareness without giving equal value back?
Step Five: Anchor Your Future Self in the Present
The science is clear: when you visualize your future self vividly and emotionally, you strengthen the connection. Brain scans show that this activates the same regions as thinking about your present self.
So bring your future self into the room now.
Exercise:
- Write a detailed description of your life five years from today.
- What does your morning look like? Who do you spend time with? What standards guide you?
Now, ask: What would that person do today?
Step Six: Be Your Own Role Model
Most of us look outward for role models. But the most powerful one is already available: the person you’re becoming.
Every time you make a choice, you either align with or betray that role model. The question is not, “Do I feel like it?” The question is, “Am I living like the person I want to be?”
Reflection Questions:
- If your future self were watching you right now, what would they applaud?
- What decision today would make them proud?
Quick Recap for Practice
- Define non-negotiables.
- Clarify values as behaviors.
- Prioritize once instead of negotiating daily.
- Cut the mental load.
- Visualize and identify with your future self.
- Be the role model you’ve been searching for.
Scientific References
- Hershfield, H. E., et al. (2011). Increasing saving behavior through age-progressed renderings of the future self. Journal of Marketing Research.
- Milkman, K. L., et al. (2014). Harnessing our inner angels and demons: What we have learned about self-control from studying two million people. Perspectives on Psychological Science.
- Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength.
- Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow.
- Ariely, D., & Wertenbroch, K. (2002). Procrastination, deadlines, and performance. Psychological Science.
If you like some assistance with making these steps or someone to guide you along the way of becoming a future self you are extremely proud of? Just send me a message!
~ Bianca