Have you ever noticed this?
The job you didn’t get feels more desirable.
The person who barely replies feels more attractive.
The product that’s out of stock suddenly feels essential.
That’s not intuition. That’s your brain getting hijacked.
Today we’re talking about why your brain falls for things that are hard to get, and how to retrain it so you stop chasing what’s unavailable and start choosing what’s aligned.
This doesn’t just affect your love life. It affects your career, your friendships, your finances, even your self-worth.
So let’s go.
Your brain is built to survive.
It releases more dopamine when you anticipate something than when you actually get it.
So when something is almost available, your brain gets excited.
This is why a person who gives you mixed signals feels more important than someone who’s clear and consistent.
It’s why you’ll stay in a draining job because you’ve already invested years.
Or spend more money on something because it’s labeled “limited edition.”
This is called effort justification and variable reward reinforcement.
It means the harder something is to get, the more valuable your brain assumes it must be.
But valuable and healthy are not the same thing.
So how do you break this?
We use the same pattern and flip it.
Here’s a quick acronym your brain already uses: BSAT.
- Biological drive
- Scarcity
- Anticipation
- Time invested
That’s how your brain assigns value.
Now here’s how we rewrite it:
BSAT = Better Standards Activate Truth
Let’s walk through it.
B = Belonging, not biology
Ask yourself: Does this situation make me feel safe, seen, and connected?
S = Steady, not scarce
Is this consistent? Does it show up when I need it?
A = Aligned, not anticipatory
Do our values and timing match? Or am I just hooked on the next hit?
T = Truth, not time
Am I here because it’s real? Or just because I’ve already put in effort?
That’s how you take the brain’s reward loop and rewire it to serve your clarity.
This isn’t just about relationships.
Ask it when you’re tempted to say yes to a project that flatters your ego but drains your energy.
Ask it when you want to buy something just because it’s on sale or scarce.
Ask it when you’re obsessing over someone who isn’t actually showing up for you.
Your brain doesn’t want the best thing. It wants the most stimulating thing.
And you can train it to want peace instead.
Daily rewire practice, rhythmic and empowering
Try this rewire each morning.
Three questions (you can use your own words or change them). Out loud.
- Who am I when I choose alignment over anticipation?
- What would the secure, focused version of me choose today?
- Do I want a hit of dopamine, or a life of clarity?
You do that every day, and your neural pathways shift.
Not because you force them. But because you lead them.
Scarcity will always feel shiny.
But that doesn’t mean it’s right.
You are not meant to chase.
You are meant to choose.
And when you choose truth over tension, your brain eventually learns to follow.
That’s what rewiring looks like.
If you like top let me know what you shifted from chasing to choosing or like assistance in this process. Just send me a message!
– Bianca