Charisma is one of the most powerful forces in human interaction. It can open doors, create opportunities, and influence entire groups of people. But not all charisma is the same. Some people use their charm for personal gain, while others use it to uplift those around them.
If you’ve ever been drawn to a charismatic person only to later feel drained or manipulated, you’ve likely encountered self-centered charisma. On the other hand, if you’ve been inspired and energised by someone’s presence, you were probably in the company of an empathic charismatic individual.
But here’s something most people overlook: you can tell a lot about a person’s charisma by the people they attract.
Two Types of Charisma and Who They Attract
Self-Centered Charisma: The Power-Hungry Magnet
This form of charisma is about dominance, confidence, and an almost hypnotic ability to make others admire them. People with self-centered charisma often rise to positions of power because they know how to command attention.
Who They Attract:
• Followers seeking direction – People who want to be led, especially those who lack confidence in their own decision-making.
• People drawn to status and power – Those who admire success and strength, sometimes to their own detriment.
• Empaths and givers – Ironically, highly empathic individuals can be drawn to self-centered charismatic people, wanting to help or change them.
• People who mistake intensity for depth – Some confuse the excitement of being around a charismatic person with genuine emotional connection.
The Workplace Effect:
In leadership, self-centered charismatic individuals may create a high-energy, high-stakes environment. Employees feel motivated at first, but over time, they may experience burnout or feel undervalued. Teams under such leadership can struggle with high turnover and disillusionment.
In Dating and Personal Life:
Many people are initially attracted to self-centered charismatic individuals because they exude confidence. But relationships with them often feel one-sided, where admiration is given but not reciprocated.
Empathic Charisma: The Uplifting Connector
Empathic charismatic people have the same magnetic presence, but they use it to make others feel seen, valued, and empowered. Their charisma is about connection, not control.
Who They Attract:
• People seeking real connection – Those who value deep conversations and mutual understanding.
• Other confident, self-aware individuals – Their charisma doesn’t intimidate others but invites collaboration.
• Creative and growth-oriented individuals – People who want to feel inspired and challenged in a positive way.
• Teams that thrive on trust – Employees under empathic charismatic leaders feel empowered, leading to more innovation and job satisfaction.
The Workplace Effect:
Empathic charismatic leaders inspire loyalty and commitment. Their teams feel psychologically safe, leading to higher engagement and productivity. They are also better at retaining top talent because people feel valued working with them.
In Dating and Personal Life:
Their relationships tend to be healthier and more balanced. While they can be attractive to insecure individuals (who may seek reassurance), they set boundaries and encourage self-growth in others.
How to Use This Knowledge in Daily Life and Work
Recognizing charisma types isn’t just about avoiding manipulation; it’s about making better choices in leadership, hiring, partnerships, and personal relationships.
• At Work: If a leader is charismatic but their team seems exhausted or disengaged, it may indicate self-centered charisma at play. If employees are thriving and innovation is high, you’re likely dealing with an empathic charismatic leader.
• In Dating: If someone’s charisma makes you feel small or unsure of yourself, it may not be real connection—it could be manipulation. On the other hand, if their presence makes you feel more like your best self, they are likely using their charisma positively.
• For Yourself: If you are naturally charismatic, how are people responding to you? Are they drawn to you because you uplift them, or because they admire you but feel dependent on you?
When Does Empathic Charisma Become Manipulation?
We often contrast self-centered charisma with empathic charisma, assuming one is manipulative and the other is purely positive. But the reality is more complex.
Empathic charisma is still a form of power. It influences how people feel, think, and act. And like any power, it can be used for good—or as a subtle tool of control.
A leader who appears deeply engaged in their team’s well-being may do so primarily to maximise productivity and loyalty rather than from genuine care. A coach who makes people feel understood may be leveraging that skill to build dependence rather than empowerment. A person in dating who listens with warmth and attentiveness can create an illusion of deep connection, even if their true intentions are self-serving.
The question is, how do we distinguish between genuine connection and calculated influence?
• Is someone listening because they truly care, or because they’ve learned that deep listening gives them leverage?
• Is a leader empowering their team for the team’s benefit, or because it ensures stronger loyalty and higher performance?
• Is a coach fostering independence, or subtly ensuring that clients continue to need them?
This forces a deeper level of self-reflection. If you are working on developing your own charisma, are you doing it to strengthen authentic relationships, or to gain influence over others? The difference may not always be obvious—even to yourself.