Why I Don’t Tell Clients What to Do: A Coach’s Perspective

In the coaching world, advice is everywhere. Social media is filled with inspirational quotes, step-by-step guides, and heart-wrenching stories of personal transformation. While these resonate with many people, I’ve found myself questioning this approach, not because it’s effective at capturing attention, but because to me it misses the deeper purpose of coaching: empowering individuals to take responsibility for their own lives.

Let me explain.

The Appeal of “Just Tell Me What to Do”

As a coach, more and more clients come to me feeling lost or overwhelmed. Many of them have read self-help books, followed influencers, or consumed endless lists of “10 things to do to change your life.” Despite this, they remain stuck. Why? Because, at its core, personal transformation isn’t about doing what someone else tells you. It’s about uncovering what you truly want and finding your own way to get there.

Yet, there’s a paradox at play: people who don’t like being told what to do often seek advice in the form of prescriptive answers. It feels actionable, straightforward, and comforting in the moment. But real change comes from within and no amount of external advice can substitute for that.

The Problem with Advice-Driven Coaching

The issue with advice-heavy coaching, or marketing that sells coaching through prescriptive solutions, is that it keeps people in the same mindset that got them stuck in the first place.

Many of us have been conditioned to look outward for answers. We seek validation from teachers, parents, bosses, or society to know if we’re doing things “right.” When life feels unmanageable, it’s tempting to place the responsibility for change on someone else, whether it’s a book, a coach, or an online influencer.

But this approach has significant downsides:

1. It Undermines Self-Responsibility:
When clients follow advice blindly, they often attribute their success, or failure, to the person who gave it. This robs them of the opportunity to take ownership of their growth.

2. It Overlooks Individuality:
What works for one person might not work for another. A prescriptive “one-size-fits-all” solution rarely accounts for the complexities of someone’s unique life, personality, and circumstances.

3. It Creates Dependency:
When clients rely on a coach for answers, they don’t learn how to navigate challenges independently. True coaching should empower clients to trust their own judgment and capabilities.

Asking Questions Instead of Giving Answers

This is why my coaching philosophy, and the way I market my services, focuses on asking better questions rather than providing ready-made solutions. Instead of telling clients what to do, I guide them to discover their own answers.

For example, rather than saying, “You need to set boundaries to reduce burnout,” I might ask:
• “What’s one thing in your life that feels draining right now?”
• “What would life look like if you said no to things that don’t serve you?”

These questions shift the focus from external advice to internal reflection. They encourage clients to take responsibility for their choices and actions.

Do Coaches Need to Share Their Struggles?

Another common marketing tactic in the coaching world is self-disclosure, sharing personal struggles to create connection and relatability. While vulnerability can be powerful, it’s worth asking whether this is necessary, or even beneficial.

Yes, clients often resonate with stories of overcoming hardship. But there’s a risk of creating a relationship based on shared struggle rather than shared solutions. My role as a coach isn’t to dwell on my own challenges but to help clients navigate theirs.

I prefer to demonstrate what’s possible without centering the narrative on myself. Instead of saying, “Here’s how I overcame burnout,” I might invite potential clients to imagine their own transformation:
• “What would life feel like if you prioritized yourself?”

This subtle shift keeps the focus on the client’s journey, not mine.

Coaching Is About Empowerment, Not Dependency

At its heart, coaching is about empowerment. It’s about helping people realize they have the answers within themselves. My job isn’t to fix anyone, it’s to guide them to discover their own solutions.

This philosophy also extends to how I market my services. I don’t use prescriptive advice or dramatic personal stories as hooks. Instead, I ask questions that encourage potential clients to reflect on their own lives and imagine what’s possible.

Does this approach resonate with everyone? No. Some people are looking for a guru to follow or a quick fix to implement. But I’ve found that the clients I work best with—the ones who experience the most profound transformations, are those who are ready to take responsibility for their growth.

An Invitation to Reflect

So, if you’re reading this and considering coaching, I have a few questions for you:
• What’s one thing in your life that feels out of alignment?
• What would change if you trusted yourself to take the first step toward a better future?
• How might your life transform if you had the tools, and the confidence, to navigate challenges independently?

These are the types of questions I ask my clients, not only in sessions but in the way I market my work. Because real coaching isn’t about telling you what to do, it’s about helping you discover what you’re capable of.

And trust me, the answer is already within you.

• – By Bianca Kersten, Coach and Advocate for Empowerment